I can’t add anything to my website and it’s making me crazy. Which is why this entry in its entirety, as opposed to simply a link, is posted here. It feels a little weird to blog here again when the website’s been up and running for-holy crap, has it been a year and a half already?!
I spoke to a close friend recently about a life dilemma. A big one; big enough that I knew I couldn’t muddle through alone the way I usually do. And as I thought about it, I realized this dilemma has been swirling around my head for the better part of at least five years, probably longer. That blew me away a little…I’ve been sitting on this problem THAT long?
The nature of the dilemma is not important, honestly. Her advice to me is, though. What she said to me is this: “Tell your brain to calm down, and your heart and soul to chime in. You already know the answer! Trust yourself.”
Tell my brain to calm down?!?! TRUST MYSELF?!?! I rolled my eyes at that one. I don’t need to remind many of you that I am not known for making great life choices. My good ones have been okay. My bad ones have been AWFUL. It’s sad but it’s true. So very true. Which is why I’ve sat on this one for years.
My issue, I guess, is HOW to quiet my mind. How to know it’s my heart and soul chiming in with this answer that I supposedly know? A good portion of my life has been spent squashing down my heart and soul so that my logical, analytical brain could make realistic and responsible choices. How the fuck do I reverse that? Shut down the logic, gag it so it cannot speak, and let the heart have a say?
If anyone’s got the answer to this, I’m listening. Meanwhile, I’m putting my logic in a headlock so it will shut the fuck up for now…