We hear quite a bit from the men who claim to have been “friendzoned;” but we seldom or never hear from women in the same position. At least not that I am aware of.
Hello. My name is The Literary Jersey Girl. I’ve spent much of my dating life in the friendzone.
Surprised? I was too when I figured it out. Even as I write this I’m smiling and shaking my head at myself. It almost sounds as though I’m ungrateful about the friends I’ve made or the way life has turned out, and that is most certainly not the case. I’m pretty good about accepting things that “are” and letting go of things that “are not.” Like most people, from time to time my mind wanders to those “are nots,” which sometimes end up being perusals of my friendships with men that I was romantically interested in…but who were NOT romantically interested in me.
I was not sure how this happened so often, even though I was the person it was happening to. And I noted the same theme in reading about men in the friendzone…they simply aren’t sure how it happened. After some thought, I think I’ve figured out how it happened to me…but I also know there’s nothing I can do about it. My life in the friendzone is a direct result of who I am and what I believe a romantic relationship should be. Maybe that is and will be my fatal flaw.
I seek a romantic partner who can also be my friend. So I tend to look upon men as friends first, and then if that looks good, then we can move into the romantic type stuff. Maybe that’s where I go wrong. I act like a friend before I act like a potential girlfriend..but quite frankly I don’t see the point in dating someone I can’t be friends with too. It’s simply who I am. A friend…a companion…someone to have drinks with…go places with…have adventures with…and yes, have great sex with…talk to…and so on. A friend to hang out with, to kiss, to hug, and to get into bed with, and end and start most days together. A friend that I’m also in love with.
The guys that I was interested in who became “just friends” somehow missed the romantic part. Sometimes I wonder if they were unable see me as someone to be attracted to as well as be friends with. Maybe because I hung out and made myself a friend…they forgot that there was a woman underneath that friend.
So to my guy friends…yes, eternally wonder if you were one of the ones that friendzoned me…! And to the rest of those guys griping that you can’t find a decent woman…look under your nose, you may already be friends with one!
(Originally written 2/25/15)