http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/02/to-my-soulmate-i-choose-not-to-love/

I met one of my soul mates over 20 years ago. We started as friends, and it felt like the connection was instantaneous, and undeniable.

I wish I had known how I felt about him back then, or I’d known how to tell him. I wasn’t brave enough. I was afraid. I wish I had taken the risk, instead of sitting here today wondering what might have been.

I can’t choose not to love him, although I wish I could sometimes. I’ve loved him for far too long. I didn’t recognize it when I was a college student in the midst of more problems than I could imagine.

Now…I long for the easy friendhsip we used to share. Sitting with a couple beers and chatting about anything and everything until late into the night. Laughing like crazy over some stupid joke or double entendre that everyone else missed. We had inside jokes and looks and shared expressions. He felt like a boyfriend…but we never dated. That makes trying to get over him very difficult, if not impossible.

Now…I finally realize he is one of my soulmates, and I will always love him. I’ll always wish for his happiness…even if it breaks my fucking heart that his happiness is not with me. I hope somehow, some way, the universe finds a way to let him know how deeply and passionately I am in love with him.

~LJG